This is not normally a political blog. Yes, I do have some rather strong opinions when it comes to politics and the way my country ought to be run. To put it all in context, I like to think of myself as a Heinleinian “Rational Anarchist,” not entirely unlike Professor de la Paz from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Of course that means I have serious issues with both Republican and Democratic parties (NB to Republicans: the name of the party in opposition to you is “The Democratic Party,” not “The Democrat Party.” Because there are only two major political parties in the USA, getting one of them habitually wrong makes you appear to be both ignorant and loutish. Seriously? Are you people incapable of remembering the names of two whole parties? No matter how much you might disagree with their agenda, try, at least, to accord just barely enough courtesy to get their name right. Alternatively, just rush ahead to the logical conclusion and call them the Jackass Party and they can call you the Hephalump Party. Btw, the Hephalump of the Pooh books was not particularly wise.)
Anyway, with the news this morning that the “Fake News Awards” that President Trump proposes to hand out are being pushed back to January 17, I feel it is not too late to get in the running. Why are they getting pushed back? Not sure, but it’s possible he is still looking for a venue, some celebrity guests (aside from potential host, Scott Baio). It’s also possible there was a hold-up in the proposed trophies. I mean, he is giving out little statuettes, isn’t he? Also, it’s possible the entertainment needs an extra week of rehearsal time. All this gives me a chance to get in on it, right?
Now, I understand these awards are supposedly for the “Mainstream Media,” and in spite of years of publishing a fan rag called “The Pre-Dawn Leftist,” (name borrowed from Johnny Hart’s B.C. comic strip), I probably do not qualify as mainstream anything, but it seems to me that fake news is fake news and there should be an amateur category to encourage the rest of us who might be emerging mainstream mediaites (is that a word?. Probably not, but all this is fake news and I stand by it!
Now I suppose to qualify, I need to publish a fake story and I have to admit that all the goods ones have already been taken. There was last week’s post of my “:Big Nuclear Button…” In case you’re wondering, you do not get a special blazer when you join the Nuclear Club, but that was just commentary. I need a story. The good news is, I’m a novelist, I can make up a story, right?
So, I implore the Academy of Fake News to take note of the following paragraph and keep me in consideration for an award next week;
President Trump recently stripped down and went skinny dipping in one of the water hazards at his Mar-a-Lago resort. The incident was covered up by a mysterious truck that rolled up and stopped between Mister Trump and the observing news cameras (I’ll bet you were wondering what that truck was really doing, weren’t you?). While the members of the news media, which are forced to keep their distance when ever Trump is at a Monopoly property to which he owns the title deed, were unable to record the incident, the president was observed by staff members and residents of Mar-a-Lago. The sight of the president’s naked body caused half a dozen women and two grown men to collapse from shock, one of whom was rushed to a near-by hospital for resuscitation and the others have been forced to seek counselling following the traumatic incident. When fellow residents protested Mister Trump’s actions, he replied, “I own this @#$% place and I have options on the rest of the @#$% world. I’ll do whatever I @#$% want!” However, two minutes later he was heard to say, “It was another hole-in-one. That’s eighty-seven in a row now. I’m a very stable genius on the golf course!”
So, there you go, my own contribution to fake news. Please remember to nominate me to the Academy and vote for me when your ballots arrive. Who knows? Maybe it will help me sell some more of my books. It sure didn’t harm Michael Wolff.