I Scored a Bag o’ Crap!


(I was going to post my review of Diana Wynne Jones’ House of Many Ways this week, but something exciting happened (see below) so instead I’ll blog about that. Tune in next week for the review)

Now, if you do not know what a Bag o’ Crap (aka a BoC), there is a website called Woot.com. It is currently owned by Amazon.com, although I’ve been frequenting it since long before Amazon cast its entrepreneurial eyes on the land of flying monkeys and odd stuff for sale. In any case, Woot sells a lot of different stuff; some is good, some is silly, most of the time it’s a pretty good deal. I first came across them because they had far too many original t-shirts I wanted.

Every so often, then have what is called a “Woot-off” in which a limited number of items are posted for sale until they sell off and then are immediately replaced by something else, enticing you to keep coming back all day to see what’s up now. During these Woot-offs and other special events they sometimes, and without warning offer what they call a “Bag o’Crap” (currently selling for $9.99 when available). They are usually very hard to get because thousands of Wooters are all trying to get them at once, and there is no telling what might be inside them. Woot has this to say about the Bags;

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v6.0

  1. Thou shalt not be all upset when you find out what’s in this box and how you didn’t even need it in the first place.
    II. Thou shalt not expect more than THREE crappy items of dubious origin and the titular bag.
    III. Thou shalt do thou’s part and go post about thy bounty in the forums, be thy feelings positive or negative or even if thy cat wanders into the shot.
    IV. Thou shalt go right up there and read these commandments a second time before thou has a breakdown about all the junk thou wasted money on. We call it crap for a reason, you know

And they only promise the bag will include:

  • (1) Crappy Item
    (1) Crappier Item
    (1) Really Crappy Item
    (1) Bag of some sort
    ​(1) Realization that you are not living life the way it was intended to be lived

So, imagine my joy when on the recent Prime Day (actually, on the second day of Prime) I finally, after years and years of trying, managed to get one of those elusive Bags o’ Crap. This was the congratulatory letter I received;

YOU DID IT! You scored a Bag ‘o Crap (BoC) with all the random crud that we could sweep off the warehouse floor… Uh, I mean all the finest wares that we carefully curated just for you, [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE FOR FEELING OF PERSONALIZATION]!!! We’ve been around for 15 years and we know how to disappoint people with pinpoint precision, so please appreciate all the hard work it took to throw stuff in a box and slap a shipping label on it just to elicit amazing reactions from you like, “Huh? What the heck am I gonna do with 89 fidget spinners and a purple paper clip??” It’s like we’re some sort of artists or something.

Then came the long wait as I watched the tracking info on my order. All I knew for certain was that the official shipping weight was 5.70 pounds. Then it arrived in my local UPS depot and somehow took over a day to travel from there to the local USPS office (approximately half a mile away), but at last my crap arrived. As per Woot’s request to post the results on social media, many lucky Wooters have made You Tube videos of the opening of their boxes (NB: the BoC comes in a box with the stuff plus a bag tossed in – unless they forget the bag – just so no one can sue for false advertising), but I don’t have a You Tube channel, so instead I shall post what I find in the box as I pull each bit of crap out of it. Let’s go!

1 – Blue Woot Monkey Tote Bag – claiming to have been used for dirty socks – Smells new.

1 – Graduation Autograph book – I last graduated decades ago, but this is a pretty good one.

1 – pair of touch screen gloves – a bit small, but they fit. Neat. I didn’t know that was a thing.

1 – Blue plastic electric job box (new work style – I might find a use for that…

1 – Dog leash and collar system – my sister might use this.

1 – box of plastic forks – Well, I’m about o go camping. They’ll come in handy.

1 – Thermal tailgating bag – with the Ole Miss Logo on it. Well, I did get my MA degree at Ole Miss, so…

1 – empty mustard squeeze jar – yes, that’s useful too.

1 – telescoping massage tool and back scratcher. Who doesn’t need one of these?

1 – Pink manicure set. I’d like to think I am secure in my masculinity. Not high quality, but looks tentatively useful.

1 – Some sort of charm bracelet with the KU Jayhawk on it. – Okay – the promise of crap is hereby fulfilled.

1 – A Woot chip clip (for Factory Reconditioned Chips) As I said, I’m about to go camping, so, useful.

 

And that’s it. All told, a pretty good haul, I think. I look forward toward competing for the next BoC to catch my eye.

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This entry was posted in Bag o' Crap, Social Commentary, Woot!. Bookmark the permalink.

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